I went to see Fast and the Furious #83. I feel silly with myself for even wanting to watch it let alone thinking it would be good. But then how do you screw up a movie about cute boys in fast cars? Omg but they did! There was not enough fast cars scenes and no cute boys!! Vin Diesal looks like a penis in a wife beater and sounds like he’s chewing on paper and choking on tinsel all at the same time. And the younger guy, whatever-his-name-is, I remember him being cute in the first movie but now, he just seemed kind of sad! Like in between movies he just sits at home, drinks beer and watches tv (not a lifestyle I’m judging just so not celebrity). It was so hokey, that during an attempted serious moment in the movie, the people in the theatre were laughing! Laughing out loud. 

I rounded out my masochistic movie tendencies and took my kid I work with to see Hangover #3 too many. I don’t know why. I didn’t make it through the first Hangover and I certainly didn’t see the second one, so I have no idea why I went to the third one….needless to say, it was pretty terrible…

I haven’t seen my Mom and Dad for days…and we are living with them right now. They started watching Mad Men and no longer leave their room. I come home from work late at night sometimes and they are still awake…watching Mad Men. My parents are as obsessive about tv shows as I am. When I introduced them to Damages on Netflix they actually watched enough to get a call from their internet provider saying they were close to maxing their bandwidth. That is serious dedication people!

I did a little bit of clothes shopping this week…in my friend Rachelle’s laundry room in her apartment building. It’s the coolest thing! People just leave shit they don’t want in a pile and then when I come visit we tour down and I always find something amazing! Last time I got a purple scarf and mitts and this time I got two H&M sweaters! Sure they are men’s but that’s really the only way I am ever going to fit into H&M clothing so it’s awesome.

I got stabbed in a night club last night!!! Stabbed in the foot!! With a stiletto!! We were dancing in Caliente, a latin night club in Ottawa, when out of nowhere some out of control salsa dancer stabbed me! Well she stepped on my foot, but with heels and it fucking hurt! It was all a blur at the time and I couldn’t comprehend exactly why my foot was in so much pain. But it all came back to me this morning when I looked down at my foot to see a dent in my foot, skin missing, bruises and my large toe nail cracked. Fucking latin night clubs! I never thought the club scene was dangerous in Ottawa, BUT IT IS!

I was thinking last night, while on the toilet at the club, that someone should create a yoga class for practical everyday stretches. Like forget warrior, mountain and downard dog pose. I propose ‘trying to paint your toenails while standing up pose’ or ‘trying to grab something in the back seat while driving pose’ or what made me think of this ‘trying to hold the stall door closed while I pee because I have picked the only one without a working lock pose’. You would connect with the pose so much more because it would be real…like ‘lifting up my foot to see if I just stepped on lego pose.’ I think I’m onto something here…