Controversy! I feel like I’m relevant! Like people care so much about what I say that they react! Perhaps like a celebrity! I feel like Britney Spears with no underwear getting out of a car awkwardly! Alert! I have offended! For I have stirred up emotional reaction with my witty observations…I finally received hate mail. I have made it to the big time. I will be signing autographs in my living room, well, anytime.

I was called a socialist fascist! Wow, let me go dust off my political science degree to respond to that. I feel like I was just called Jack Layton and Hitler all in the same sentence which doesn’t work.  Are you calling me China? Obama as viewed by Republican Americans? I don’t know but I think this is a very serious political conversation I would like to have over some fair trade, organic coffee in a co-operative cafe somewhere that we could then take over as our own and reap the capital benefits from? Am I getting it yet? Probably not. Oh well. For whatever it’s worth I am not a socialist fascist…I’m assuming you maybe meant yuppy capitalist? Champagne socialist? All of which don’t apply because they mean you have money…which I don’t… 

Let me explain myself. If I am coming across as a judgmental asshole in all my blogs try reading them with Jerry Seinfeld’s voice and say “what’s that about?” after all my points. I am merely sharing my amusing observations and questions that I playfully enjoy on a daily basis. I’m trying to go for the David Sedaris thing. I don’t think by nature I’m angry or a “stuck up and pretentious piece of shit” but if I am I wish one of my many friends or  family members COULD HAVE TOLD ME! I feel like I’ve had a personality booger hanging out of one of my nostrils my whole life and no one told me! 

 I hope I am jokingly observing myself just as much as others! It sounds like I need to turn up the self deprecating a bit more and turn down the quirky observational humour. 

Or I could do whatever the hell I want because it’s my blog and no one, I repeat, no one is forced to read it. And if you are I suggest you talk to a law authority about that, that is fucked up.