Well I have nothing to write about because all I have been doing is working, watching “The Killing” and eating fudgesicles. I don’t think it’s healthy to watch that much crime drama in a day (or eat fudgesicles for meals). During my walk this morning, I wanted to stop and analyze a carpet that was in a garbage can because it totally could have evidence from a crime scene. A body most definitely could have fit in it. I swear part of the reason I am obsessed with the show is to see what type of winter-turtleneck- sweater the main lady will be wearing each episode. It’s a perma fashion nightmare. On the way back from my walk this morning I realized I was pretending to be the main character. I had my hair up unusually higher on my head, I had a hideous sweater on and I was chewing gum, all signature Linden moves. I have a tv problem I think. And this is precisely why I stopped watching Breaking Bad. I would probably watch it so much that cooking meth would eventually seem like a good idea. A great little money maker on the side. I did read an article saying that when something went really wrong in the show recently some viewers actually called 911. Classic! And as for Sons of Anarchy, well, I have big plans for getting a motorcycle and starting a gang, that shit is all in the works.

My purse is so heavy that if I put it on the seat next to me in the car, the seat belt sign beeps until I remove the bag. Yikes, as if Toyota registers my bag as weighing enough to be a small person! Maybe a small Japanese person dear Toyota but there is no way my bag’s weight is comparable to a North American person. No way. 

I needed some time out from watching my crime show because I was getting too involved so Hennie and I walked down to the big pussy (Giant Tiger) to wander around. I never go there but in the last couple weeks every time I had asked someone where they got their clothes they said GT Boutique and I was all like, whaaat? So we went to check it out. Ya, as I thought, pretty disappointing in the clothing department. I did buy socks though, how exciting. As we were leaving, in the parking out, some dude revved his two tone Mitsubishi, spun tires and peeled out of the parking lot. At GIANT TIGER! It was probably the most action the big pussy had ever seen! 

Argh the Magnum ice cream truck just drove by! Taunting me! Motherfuckers! I am trying to ween myself off Magnum with half calorie fudgesicles. So basically because I know they are half the calories I tend to just eat twice the amount. Perfect. Ice cream on a stick is the greatest invention known to man kind. It’s the ultimate in laziness. No need to clean dishes, no need to repetitively move a utensil from your dish to your mouth like a sucker. You can just sit there and eat without any of that. Fucking genius! My dream is to create veggie burger on a stick or tofu on a stick or perhaps even omelet on a stick, perfect for people on the go. This all sounds like money to me! I know my entrepreneurial juices are flowing, awww yeah. 

I just read a study that said kids drinking too much pop might make them aggressive! It’s like fucking duh! Who conducts these studies? Fucking idiots? Sugar and caffeine in a little person? Recipe for disaster y’all, plain and simple. Not rocket science. Let’s not waste science research money on shit like that anymore.

Well I certainly didn’t just stay up all night watching the rest of Season 2 of The Killing. That would be dumb. Well I did and it was amazing! I’m in morning withdrawal already. I have the tv shakes, I’m in the crime drama junkie limbo, where you don’t feel terrible yet but you know it’s in the mail. (I’d like to thank Trainspotting for teaching me all I need to know about drug addiction and withdrawal). I want to go face my day and get on it with but I just figured out there is a third season not on Netflix that I MUST FIND!

Hennie cooked dinner! Cooked!! Food!! The same man that once called me at work to ask how to boil pasta made a meal! Hennie attempted and conquered the Everest of vegan, gluten free lasagnas. With tofu, broccoli, sweet potato and so much more! It was massive! It was amazing! (I totally added cheese to it though, just sayin’. Take that vegans.)

I took the kid I work with mini putting. We were greeted by a Polish lady (and by greeted I mean totally ignored). She was on the phone and we were definitely ruining her conversation buzz. She got up to ring us through the cash and continued speaking in Polish. I imagine she was telling the person on the other line she wished we would go away, that we were morons for mini putting in the extreme heat, that I seemed too young to have adopted an Asian teen. While mini putting I couldn’t help but notice there were tons of plants and flowers on the course, especially the kind that attract bees. It was like probably the worst idea ever. There were bees everywhere, waiting to attack their next prey. I looked around again for the hidden just for laughs cameras. Then I wondered if the Polish lady was sitting in the club house, on the phone, smoking a cigarette and watching, waiting satanically for someone to get stung because she secretly hated children and this was her way of getting back at them. Luring them into the bee den of Satan. 

I just realized today that my walking buddy, who owns a weight loss clinic across the street from a shop I work at can see through the windows when I gorge on brownies! Dammit! 

So I think we are in the market for a new car! Like a smokin’ honey wagon that is going to rock your mother trucking socks off! We are looking at what could be considered the best car ever made…in Japan…in the 90’s. Ok we are looking at buying a ’91 Honda but gull darnet, I will make it my own! I will give it the classiest name, hit it up with some bumper sticker, maybe add some shag carpet to the ceiling with some tassles and we are ready to roll! Nobody be messin’ with my pimpin’ shaggin’ wagon. (God I hope it doesn’t die on the drive from Montreal).

I was just about to tuck into my third glass of wine when it occurred to me that in less then 5 hours it would be Hennie and myself’s anniversary and I had forgotten. I decided to walk to Shopper’s. I felt pretty cool strutting along in my South African dress, sporting a Canadian, vegan, designer satchel wearing leather probably made in China shoes. Ya I am one of THOSE people. I realized my polyester dress was not going to be forgiving in this heat. I got a bit stressed out by a weird hunch back following me until I realized it was my shadow and wow do I need to work on my posture. I was cruising along to music I hoped no one was picking up with their iPod radio transmitter. Nothing says classy like power walking at night to Whitney Houston’s best of, remixed and other equally embarrassing older music. I hoped no one could see me theatrically belting out The Greatest Love of All. I did nearly get killed by a car at one point while dramatically lip synching Moulin Rouge’s Lady Marmalade. When I got to Shopper’s all the anniversary cards were sappy and lame and did not suit Hennie. Then I found one that read “Marge was getting pretty tired of waking up at the crack of Don” and picture of a giant ass crack. PERFECTION! Happy Anniversary baby!