Omg omg omg omg omg OMG! Jax from Sons of Anarchy will be Christian Grey for the Fifty Shades movie!!! Eeeee!! I may have teared up a little when I heard, that’s how excited I am. Apparently I have a problem. Charlie Hunnam in a smut movie!! Eeeeee!! I am going to go on opening night, camp out even! My Mom said she wanted to go too…a good old fashion porn night…those were her exact words. I am not sure what is old fashioned about a porn night. But she said it like it was a real thing. Porn nights these days sonny are nothing like they used to be, back in the day they were good ol’ fashioned porn nights. It was like a good old fashioned corn roast, or a good old fashioned murder. I dunno. Whatever. NAKED CHARLIE HUNNAM!! (with my Mom…) Bazziiiiingggg! Eeeeeee! I can’t even believe there is controversy. I read all the books (shut up) and he will be crazy good, so whatever haters, wait and see the inhumanely hot Hunnam magic. I feel like it’s Christmas and I just opened up a big bag of eye candy (and whips and chains). I may have even joined the new Facebook page 50 Shades of Charlie Hunnam group. All they do is post hot pics all day and it is soooo distracting.  Sigh. Ok I am done, for real. I have collected myself and mopped up my drool. 

Did anyone else know that the couple from those “Body Break-participACTION” commercials were still around? They are so still around that I just read they were kicked off the show Amazing Race Canada!! I know none of you knew that because no one watches that show. I watched the original Amazing Race once, it was on hour of quick changing shots, people under stress and constant arguments. It gave me heart palpitations and anxiety that I realized there was no need to ever watch it again. So the body break couple still exists and they are back in the media. They said that during the show they felt they were totally targeted by other teams, because they were already well known and famous. Famous? Ummm I guess? That might be a bit of a stretch Hal and Joanne?! Ok. I know their names. They are obviously famous…Just in Canada though! Body breeaak! 

So back to school shopping was a total fail. Hennie bought a computer from China, that was all. Fuck! No pens, no notebooks, no planners, no clothes, no bells, no whistles. Argh! I’ll get myself shoes for Hennie’s back to school and that will make it all better. I fancy a pair of red boots for back to school.

The original ‘The Voice’ judges have all reunited! Yay! Although I will still watch the show, I never get to the end because it gets stupid and stupid people win because stupid people vote and the judges become stupid. Stupid show. But it’s starting soon, yay!

Holy shit! I just read that Harper told a group of non-profit volunteers that he likes twerking, but only does it with close friends and every now and then with Obama! He totally meant tweeting! Omg, please SNL do a skit of Harper twerking with Obama, please. Or just hire me as a writer, I have many more ideas SNL, many, many more ideas.  

Isn’t it exhausting keeping up the lady maintenance or shescaping? I feel like I finally got my hair, that grows like a weed, cut, got my Karl Marx unibrow waxed, shaved my legs where it always ends in me looking like I kneeled in a bowl of glass, shaved the pits and then today, I am in the bathroom at Chapters when I look into the mirror and see a full on lady mustache. I looked like Stalin. Come on! When did my face become a communist? It’s exhausting! Dammit! How did I not notice this she caterpillar on my face before? Fucking lighting. Hey Chapters, dim down the neon intense lighting and turn up the mood lighting. I want to think I look amazing while shopping in the clearance bin at Chapters, near the back of the store, full of weird stuff like notepads, magnets, salt spoons and pen cases with no pens in them. Hennie has intense facial hair too. He once said if we ever had kids they would be wolverines…I think he’s right.

Tip for making your Thai food outing more enjoyable. If ordering pad thai or something like it, ask for extra penis sauce! No one will flinch. It sounds exactly like peanut sauce. But it will make your day, because you feel awesome and cheeky. I’ve tried it, it’s a good time.

Omg Fifty Shades is going to be filmed in Vancouver…eeeeee! Road trip! Omg when did I get so creepy? I’m like borderline stalker. Maybe it’s his beard? I have always had a weird and creepy thing for beards…especially ginger beards. I once had a dream about them. Ok, we are stopping here. 

 I had a dream the other night that I was involved with Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror Picture Show. Which is weird on it’s own but in my dream, Frankenfurter was not Tim Curry, it was Hugh Laurie (House)! He would be an amazing Frankie! I really think I’m on to something here! Ignore the fact that I have odd dreams about being involved with singing sweet transvestites from Transexual, Transylvania hu huh.

Sound of Music is coming to the NAC! Well, it’s just a song-a-long where I think there is live music and they play the movie, but that would be totally fun! Last time I dressed up for a movie and sang along was Rocky Horror actually. I’m assuming Sound of Music reaches a much less smutty and colourful crowd. Instead of wearing a french maid costume, hooker boots and crimping my hair (for Magenta obviously) I just need some curtains and perhaps braids? Ah it’ll be fun. God wouldn’t that be awesome to show up as Magenta for Sound of Music? No but seriously, I really want to go. For if anyone truly knows me, I can just fly into full on ‘how do you solve a problem like Maria’ anywhere in full operatic tone. It’s another form of my tourettes.  

In case you were wondering who I was talking about…Eeeeeee!