The Chapters in Kanata has become a pretty intense place to go these days. It used to be a fun place to wander around, check out the books, over priced mugs, ridiculous pillows, magnets, pencils and other shit-I-don’t-need. And it used to be fun. But I noticed recently they have switched to a high pressure sales tactic which is most annoying. The first time I noticed I had three people ask me how I was doing and excitedly tell me that the throws and pillows were 20% off!! I don’t know what a throw is and judging by the fact I am homeless, I doubt I need one, even if it is on sale. So the next time I went I felt like I was playing Pacman or Frogger trying to get the the back bathrooms without being accosted by a terribly friendly sales person. Head down, no eye contact, SPOTTED ON THE LEFT, make a quick right, through the kids section and hazaaa bathroom!

So I’m sure only my family finds emergency phone calls about things at the Hub totally normal. I was at work the other day and on my break I popped onto Facebook. I noticed they were having an auction and one item immediately caught my eye. I had to have it. I wasn’t going home without it. The auction ended in a few hours and I was stuck at work so I called my Mom in a panic. “Are you coming into town? Maybe? Well can you come into town? It’s an emergency. There is a pipe stand with three pipes in it and a tobacco jar up for auction at the Hub. The auction closes at three, please hurry!!” My Mother replied, “Is this to use for drugs?” No Mom, god. I don’t think I would send my happily Christian Mother to the local second hand shop because I was running low on crack pipes or maybe I had just broke my bong. Noooo! It’s for when I have a place, if anyone wants to have a serious conversation with me it is imperative that we both are holding pipes. That is all. I picture Rob and I discussing things over fake pipes every day! I NEED THEM! Mom PLEASE!!! Needless to say my Mom didn’t quite get it but it is never too hard to convince her to go to the Hub. So in the end…I am the proud owner or a pipe rack with pipes in it, weeeee!! My life is practically complete!

Hennie and I, for the first time ever in the history of a long time, both had a day off together last Sunday. When we realized such an auspicious occasion had presented itself to us we planned to have a Date Day! Hennie was immediately worried about how it would all play out when on the morning of DATE DAY 2014 I kept singing “We are on a date day, No, we’re on a date day!” to Twisted Sister’s We’re Not Gonna Take It over and over until he begged me to stop. We went up there to the Union Hall like every other person in a 10 mile radius and ate an uncomfortable amount of pancakes, with full sticks of butter and local maple syrup. We sat amongst our neighbours, our friends and people who wore overalls with a giant wooden necklace around their neck that read Glen. It was so much fucking fun. Plus I hadn’t imbibed in pancakes for months but today, on DATE DAY, I would allow myself to eat whatever the hell I wanted! If Farmer Glen could, so could I! We then shopped around some health food stores in Ottawa, another one of our favourite things to do together, followed by going to an action flick that once again, turned out to be terrible. It was doomed from the beginning when I said we should go to the Coliseum because it’s cheaper and when we got there we realized it was 3D and twice as expensive. And I totally hate 3D! The glasses don’t fit over my actual glasses and I can’t focus properly and always by the end I have a headache because for the past 2 hours my eyes have been going, what the fuck is with the second pair of fucking glasses? We don’t get it? Anyways, Need For Speed, not good, some nice cars, but not good, like at all. Like don’t bother. Anyways, we finished up our DATE DAY by eating a ton of sushi and drinking Sapporo beer. I had no idea Hennie had a sushi addiction until this day. I think he ordered about 4 servings of sweet potato tempura rolls and wanted to order another million. I had to have an intervention with him at the table in order to leave. But yay DATE DAY, what a success!! I don’t have any days off until maybe Easter so this may never, ever happen again.

So I just saw the Conservatives commercial that is an attack ad on Justin Trudeau and I swear, I was by no means a fan, but the more people point out this dudes flaws the more he is growing on me. He apparently dropped the f-bomb recently (we are already best friends) and then in the attack ad they show him doing a striptease. I was like ya Justin is a douchebag…oh wait a second, wow, is he stripping, yup got my attention, he is pretty hot. And he swears you say? Well, I think I have some serious political thinking to do.

Doesn’t it feel weird to walk outside, take a big whiff or fresh air and get really excited that it smells like garbage and shit? I smelled poo the other day while walking to the car and I almost started crying! Weee shit equals spring! Bring on the sweet fecal scent that is Spring!!!