I was at the gym watching CNN or whatever repetitive television network they show at the gym when I read on the subtitle thingies that during the Pistorius case they had read text messages sent from Oscar to Reeva to see how their relationship was. And I thought ya good idea and woah, what if at some point Hennie accidentally murdered me in the bathroom one night and then they looked at our text messages? They range from a lot of I Love You’s to you are stupid, then responded by well your face is stupid. Imagine if the media got ahold of your text messages? Ok I just looked through our texts to find something that could be incriminating but apparently we are boring as fuck…as FUCK! Example: Should I throw out the cabbage? Me: Is it brown? Hennie: Not really. Me: Then it’s fine! I will make cabbage steaks.

So I am started the grueling process of finding a job in the city. I have had some interviews. I have some interesting interviews coming up but I’m not getting excited about them because last time I got excited about a job interview and didn’t get the job I ended up ham showed in a dive bar on Bank street smoking cigarettes and eating poutine and cupcakes…we shall not repeat that this time. One night I was talking to Hennie about how different my interviews were. They were everything from small independent businesses to giant corporations. I looked at Hennie and said, I like small businesses, I’m not sure if I am ready to be just a number, just another cock in the wheel. Hennie looks at me and tells me he is not sure being a “cock in a wheel” is an actually saying. So what are the things in wheels called? Spokes. Apparently I wasn’t sure about being another spoke in the wheel…not cock.

I got stressed out the other day when I realized I don’t even own a pair of dress pants. What if I get a big girl job? I just have leggings. I thought, if I were actually an adult I would wear pants. I would also feel comfortable with a tucked in shirt. So I am currently sitting here, typing with a t-shirt tucked into my pajama pants just to see what adult hood is really like. And I would like to report, it’s pretty comfy…a little nerdy, but comfy.

I was listening to the traffic report from CBC the other day and I appreciate that the dude always tries to throw a bit of flair into the dull traffic update but sometimes it falls flat or leaves me wondering what the fuck he is on about. The other day was my favourite, he said that for today’s traffic there was a lot of tight rides in Ottawa. My immediate reaction was to yell what?? a la Lois from Family Guy, followed by a phone call to Hennie to tell him about the tight rides in Ottawa and then a note to my self to share this wonderful news tip with you all. Tight rides? How come an alarm didn’t sound in his head indicating he sounded like a broadcaster for porn, if there ever was such a thing. Oh my god, I better untuck my shirt now, I am apparently 8 years old. The same 8 year old that nearly died every time we went past a Rona “Do It Centre.” Untucked!

I pulled out onto the highway in Almonte the other day and realized after that there had been a car coming in the opposite direction but I hadn’t seen it. And then as it came closer I saw it was painted in full camouflage. I thought firstly, that I couldn’t believe the paint job had worked, I literally hadn’t seen the car and then I though, wait, that must be fucking illegal to paint your car camo. Like first and foremost it’s hideous but secondly it impairs my ability to see it on the roads apparently.

My Dad was talking to us about my parent’s upcoming trip to Newfoundland this summer and we started talking about our previous family trip there. I said, didn’t we camp in Dildo? Dad nodded as Hennie realized what we had just said. “Dildo??” Yes, Hennie, everyone knows Dildo, Newfoundland. He asked why it was called that and I googled it but totally forget what it said but more importantly, on the Wiki sight it says “The town’s unusual name has brought it a certain amount of noteriety in the same vein as Fucking, Austria; Nob End, England; Effin, Ireland; Twat, Scotland; Intercourse, Pennsylvania; Bald Nob, West Virginia and Wankum, Germany.” I told Hennie we had to save up for an around the world trip (sort of) to all of these places so we could get our picture taken at all of the signs. He was so in. When I went out with some gal friends the next night we googled how long it would take us to drive to Bald Nob, West Virginia just to say we went there. Anyways it’s 12 hours and 20 minutes. So if anyone has some spare time this summer I would totally be up for a road trip. Just sayin’.