Decided to spend a day working on my Mexi-tan while reading David Sedaris. I think I went a little past mexi-tan and more into the skin cancer zone, but at least I’m now the redest person here and not the whitest.

We went to see a movie! This is 40 to be exact, even though I had already seen it I was glad to be apart of here on it’s opening night. Yup SA, you are a little behind. Wow was that a different experience…was drove there by my sister in law who feels 160km in the dark while giving everyone the finger is the norm, a little awesome, a litle hair raising…got our tickets and we have seat numbers on them! I was like what the what? I cannot choose my perfect location? I am told that there would definitely be fights in the theatre if people did not have assigned seat numbers and low and behold, a fight starts before the movie because someone is sitting in someone elses seat number! What the hell SA! Chill out a little! The other massive issue was that there was NO BUTTER for the popcorn, not even the weird butter tasting oil they usually serve in Canada. No, dry popcorn! The closest thing I got was butter flavoured salt which should have been called “weird tasting salt, NOT BUTTER-LIKE AT ALL.” And then when I was told they do not dispense napkins at movie theatres here I started having a minor nervous breakdown, only to avoided by someone saying they had tissues in their purse. Crisis averted. I am incredibly weird with dirty hands, I’m aware. I would have obsessive compulsively wiped my hand on my pants the whole time untill my pants wore through. I was shocked that 7 people walked out of the movie 3/4 of the way through it. Especially a movie I find so super funny, but I guess it may have been too much for some of our more conservative South Africans…

Saturday was crazy. Watched a nephew’s rugby tournament all day and had the braai to end all braais that night. How, you say? Well, Debbie, Hennie’s cousin who we stayed with last time, has just discovered Jagermesiter and was totaly obsessed with it. I decided to split a bottle with them and blow their minds by making them Florida Track Suits (Jager, Sour Puss & Red Bull). The night is a fog of dancing, singing, shots, eating, and more shots. There were intense rules about drinking water, if someone was busted they had to do shots. When someone was busted, a lot of yelling would insue and I would yell gibberish assuming it was coming out as Afrikaans. Sometimes I would just angrily yell “ya, whatever she said, that is what’s fucking happening!!” We amazingly polished off a whole bottle of Jager, forgot to eat the braai meat and still woke up at 4:30am to convoy to the Pilonesberg National Park! We are rockstars!

Last two Jager shots before heading to the park! Good Morning world!

We had amazing sightings, elephants, cheetahs in pursuit, Wildebeast, Springbok, Hippos, Zebras, Giraffes and LIONS GOING IN FOR THE KILL! My favourite part was someone in another car picking a fight with Hennie for hanging out the window to take pictures of the lions. It’s like, dude, if we want to hang our bodies out of the car in front of hungry lions, like bacon flying in the wind, we should totally be fucking allowed to. So fuck off. 11am, time to crack out the beer from the coolers-woot!

I only sang the Lion King song a lot, called every warthog ‘Pumba’ and thought “this park is where they must have filmed The Lion King!…Holy fuck it was a cartoon, I’m a moron. But if it had been real, it would have been filmed here!”