Just came back from another few days of EXTREME peace and quiet at Hennie’s parents house. During this time I realized I am totally into cricket. Not the games that last weeks or years but the Indian Premiere League. It’s actually kind of fun. I don’t know exactley what goes on the whole time but I can keep score and there are lot’s of good looking guys and that’s really all you need. I am kind of obsessed with it. It’s actually awesome. Dear Baseball, have you seen cricket? Makes you lot look like a bunch of boring pansies. No gloves, bigger bat, circular field and way more fun. I will never watch baseball again (not like I ever did mind you).

I have somehow become addicted to Cream Soda here. It may have all stemmed from the fact that servers in the restaurants don’t understand what I am saying when I say water. My hard “American” R makes it a totally foreign word. Hennie will on occasion save me by saying some weird word that sounds like pirate talk “Matey” or say the word WAHTAH and then they understand. If not I just get Cream Soda…which must have heroine in it or something! It’s is a disgusting chemical green that reminds me of something from ghost busters, it’s full of sugar and probably toxic waste but it’s so good!! I’ve also noticed it helps, stomach aches, headaches and especially hangovers. It is my cure-all and I love it. I don’t think we have anything like it in Canada, if we do, I don’t want to know…I also randomly started putting a tiny bit of sugar in my normally black coffee, my god South Africa you have ruined me!!!

The other night as we were going to bed, after a hard day of stomach issues, I asked Hennie if he remembered what vegetables were like, he laughed. I miss them. Even when I order salads here it’s like 40lbs of chicken on a peice of lettuce and a tomato.

Well my stomach was awesome the first week we were here, the second week it started to realize we weren’t in Kansas anymore and now it’s officially on Defcon 3 (I’m assuming that means something urgent). I actually understand the need for adult diapers. One episode involved Hennie’s Mom in a high speed race against time to get me to a bathroom. She took me to her sisters but she wasn’t there, so she pointed around back where the maids toilet was. Remember in Trainspotting when he goes to the ‘Worst Toilet is Scotland’? Yeah that happened here. It was bad. I was sure I had picked up a disease. Even Hennie’s Dad told me to go home and have a shower… Fuck you gluten, fuck you in the face! Hennie’s Mom had a good laugh about it after, I am sure this is now making the rounds in Hennie’s family’s gossip circles.

The religious book store in the mall is called “Cum Books”…wtf were they thinking?! Many people speak English here!! It might as well be the Sperm Book Nook or Penis Protein Chapters.

I met the Real House Wives of primary school rugby games yesterday! They were all done up, hair done, pearls on, all wearing name brand sunglasses and one with a see thru shirt!! At a rugby game for 10 year olds! Crazy. I may or may not have taken pictures of them…creepily…

Another South African sweet they have here, besides that yummy vagina cake is something that looks like a twisted, Jewish doughnut. It’s called a koeksister. I can’t pronounce it so when I am talking about it I say Coke Sister. When I was telling Hennie’s friend, the one who had been in rehab multiple times, about all the traditional food we had been eating I stumbled again and said Coke Sisters. His eye lit up and he said that was the kind of shit that would land in him in rehab again…oh dear…will work on my pronounciation in the future…

I have a tan! Like a normal looking, freckle infested tan! Which goes so well with the uncomfortable amount of clothes I bought yesterday. Omg the animal prints! It’s too much! And dresses over pants are really in here, so they are eveywhere and that is SO my style. I went crazy, it was so worth it. I drew the line at leapard print leggings, which Hennie thanked me for. But then I saw a women wearing grey leopard print leggings and I think I need them!! I’m sure I won’t be alotted anymore shopping time after yesterdays episode.

Time here seems to be winding down. Only 4 more days left. Hennie’s heart is slowly breaking. On one hand we never want to leave his fam but on the other hand we are looking forward to vegetables, cooking, going to the gym, my fam and walking outside, like down a street. It’s not safe here to do that so the only walking you get is in the malls. I also get in trouble for cleaning here because everyone has maids. I am so excited to get back to Canada so I can really clean something, like scrub a sink, or vacuum! My OCD has risen to a whole new international level, it’s insane…