I have driven on the wrong side of the road twice now! I spent a month in places that drive on the other side of the road and now every time I turn onto a street I panic, remind myself that the driver’s side should be next to the centre of the road and drive accordingly. I also did this the last time I came home from England, I drove on the wrong side of the road…except it was also during my Driver’s test…and I failed it…badly.

I told everyone in South Africa that no one locks their front doors or car doors in Canada. Because that is not entirely true, I am now trying to live it in order to make it real. I put my iPhone on the front seat of the car, next to my purse, and ran into the grocery store without locking my doors…in the DODGY-EST neighborhood I know (Carleton Place)! And of course it was there when I came back. 1 point Canada! If I had done that in South Africa my car would have been missing when I got out, plain and simple. And then they would have shot me when I came out because they would have assumed I had my wallet on me…(that last part may be an exaggeration)…

There is only full serve gas stations in South Africa, I suppose as a way to create jobs. My first day back I sat next to the pump for 5 minutes before remembering it was I that must do that. I volunteer to pump gas…for myself, as no one else is going to do it. In SA they will also check your oil, pump your tires and wash your window. I remember those days here in Canada. I think it was called the 80’s? But I remember it. 

I no longer feel like a badass doing 120 km/h in a 100km zone. I used to drive fast, regularly, because it felt right, cool even. After South Africa, where people drive 160km, with no seat belts, on windy roads, at night, drunk, I feel like a pussy driver. Driving doesn’t feel fun anymore, I feel lame. Nothing says badass like cruising around CP in my Dad’s Kia Rondo, with a baby seat in the back, blaring Jack FM (lame 101)…so pimpin’.

Dear UK,

In your face! We have sun here! I know you don’t even remember what it looks like but it’s fun, uplifting and it’s the basis of heat. Ok just thought I’d rub that in your face. UK, you can return to your regularly scheduled program of rain, fog and cold now. 

We made a major realization while walking the streets of London as to why there were so many pubs there, because every time it starts to rain you HAVE TO take cover and HAVE TO have a pint. It’s like a permanent, weather drinking game. So fun!

Back to Canada 

I went to the Butcher’s today!…to get ice cream…which I found next to the vegan, chocolate zucchini loaf….I have no idea why that store is called “The Butcher’s”… 

I told so many people in South Africa that hockey is so cool and they would all love it. I am now watching hockey and secretly wishing it was cricket. SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED TO ME AND I AM SCARED! But hockey does have something in common with cricket. When the players are interviewed between playing, in both sports, no one knows what the fuck the players are saying. It’s just a jumble of quickly spoken, mumbled, incomprehensible, jibberish.

On another note, I read that Ottawa won the award for most boring city in Canada. I think we all knew that, but I’m glad Ottawa is finally being properly recognized for it’s achievements…which is like nothing…a big skating rink, a mediocre hockey team and Stephen Harper. For Stephen Harper alone Ottawa could have won that award.

I think I will be spending the next week on a very special assignment, one that involves a lot of time, effort and sitting. I have missed about a month of The Voice and I feel it’s my mission to catch up. For those of you judging, just watch it, it’s actually awesome. For real!