I just heard a news story on CBC about how prevalent cheating is amongst college and university students. Um ya?! When you have 5 classes, are working part time and have a million essays and exams due at the same time, you must find a way to accomplish all these things. When Hennie started back to college this year I told him that half of being a student was figuring out how to weasel yourself out of some work and cut corners. One of my Dad’s favourite stories about my University days is the time I used one essay for three different classes. I wrote a comparative essay on something hysterically dry like Plato and Locke. I used it for philosophy, history of political thinkers and something else. The worst part was that I intentionally acted while discussing it with my TA’s for the classes I recycled it in. Like, you know what would be really interesting, and then I did brain storm face, what about comparing Locke and Plato? How interesting would that be? Actually that story is my Dad’s second favourite University story of mine. The first is when I showed up to my economics mid-term and saw everyone taking out their calculators. I hadn’t even brought one. I didn’t think there was actual math involved, just theory. Calculators? Really? Damn. Adding to the fact that I already hated the cold, calculatedness of economics, I marched to the registrar’s office and dropped the class before my stellar 47% exam mark could show up on my transcript. Take THAT economics! That is my Dad’s favourite story. At the end of the news story the CBC news reporter wonder if that means our degrees are worth much less now if we are all cheating. How much less can my degree be worth I thought. Not much. But thanks you CBC for thinking it meant something in the first place. 

You know what drives me totally crazy? People at the gym that wear toques while working out! What the fuck? It is warm in here, you are sweating, my must you wear a bloody toque?! I am going to follow those dudes next time they go to the gym and wear mittens next to them. Mittens on the treadmill, mittens lifting weights, mittens stretching and see if they get how stupid they really look. Then I will add a scarf and do it all over again.

I have been taking a French class which has been really fun. But it’s quite the reaction when you tell people you are taking a French class. My overwhelming reaction has been that people start speaking perfect French to me and it’s like, fuck off. I’m in a one night a week class that is held in the basement of a church. I didn’t become bilingual overnight ok? Simmer. Now I’m pissed and am going to refuse to speak French to you. Take that. 

Hennie is so over winter, as is everyone. But yesterday he came in from outside and announced that winter had gone too far and was definitely laughing in our faces! Winter IS totally laughing in our faces. 

The sound that the vegetables sprayers make at FreshCo is the same shrill noise that happens right before people get murdered in horror movies. I felt like I was slaying each vegetable as I picked them. There should have been gratuitous blood everywhere each time I grabbed a pepper or head of cauliflower. 

Well I have done it. I burned through a whole season of House of Cards and also, somehow, 75% of our allowed internet usage. Weeee! I was so into it I decided to act like Robin Wright’s character. I tried to be insanely nonchalant about everything, while holding a calm, confident rich person stance at all times. Then I started seeing Doug Stamper at my gym. Omg! Kevin Spacey’s right hand man goes to the CP gym! I kept staring at him thinking of all the weird things he does on the show and then he started staring back at me playing right into his kind of weird and creepy character. And then he went on the rowing machine!! Which is crazy because Kevin and Robin are always on the rowing machine in their house when they are not taking over the world. Oh, Robin and Kevin? Yes, in fact, I am on a first name basis with them. We hang out all the time. No big deal. 

I have such a lady crush on Robin Wright. I recently saw her in an amazing movie about her and her best friend and how they start sleeping with each other’s sons. It sounds creepy and it is but it also well done, beautifully shot and will 100% make you want to move to the coast of Australia. When I came down to tell Hennie about the amazing movie I had just watched he started playing Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg’s song “Motherlover” from SNL. “I’m a Motherlover, you’re a mother lover, we should fuck each other’s Mother’s.” It had perfect comedic timing. So proud of my husband in that moment. Quick wit wins my heart. 

 I walked into a store in CP today and from behind one of the cashes a lady that I worked with a million years ago yells out that I have lost too much weight and that my face is all sunken in and sickly. I felt like saying, so is your face but that’s from your pack-a-day habit and probably lots of tears but instead I was dignified. I grabbed my cheeks and showed her that my face was NOT sunken in like a crazy person and then ignored all the following words that came out of her mouth. This women is missing teeth for god’s sakes and she just told me I looked like shit. Fuckkkk youuuuuu.