So my brother’s car was stolen from a parking lot next to his buidling. Can you believe it? I mean I knew he lived in a dodgy area but I did not realize any part of the city was dodgy enough to wake up to your car having disappeared from your parking spot. After nearly a month and no word form the police he had given up and was awaiting the pay out form the insurance company. Then I get a call from Ben asking if I can drive him to the police station that evening because they had found his car!! And after it had been stolen it had been used in an armed robbery…I immediately tried to re-create the scene from the movie “The Other Guys” where they find their Prius that was stolen. I ask Ben if they think maybe a homeless orgy happened in the car (called a soup kitchen in the movie). Were Dirty Mike and the boys in your car? Is it covered in animal placenta and semen? Ben got really mad because apparently his roommate had just said all the same things. He told me to stop talking about his car in this manner but if I could still drive him to the cop shop to get the okay to pick it up.
After trying to figure out which one was still open at this time of night we head to Kanata to the fancy brand spanking new police station to see what the situation was with the car. Ben was excited, nervous, stressed about his car and also because I tend to act out in situations that involve the me dealing with authority or require me on my best behaviour. As I was rambling about all the stupid things I may do at the police station Ben turned to me and told me he wished he had chosen any other person on the planet other then me to go to the cop shop with him. I agreed with him slightly. When we got inside and took a number I told Ben that I hoped Captain Salt and Pepper served us because he was hawt! Ben looked at me and told me there were recording devices everywhere and they could hear what I was saying. I said if that was true then why didn’t they arrest me for all the PARKING TICKETS I have yet to pay because I feel some of them are ridiculous and made up (Unauthorized Angle?!). Ben tried to distract me by singing a song. I didn’t know it. He said he thought it was sung by that dead girl, Adele he said. I informed Ben that Adele was alive…Amy Winehouse perhaps? He thought that might be it but when I googled it, the only singer that had seemed to sing the song Ben was singing had been Kenny Rodgers, so he was a little off point. We laughed until we got noticed by the cops and they called our number.
The night ended by us finding a weird tow truck lot in the middle of nowhere and them telling Ben his car had been used in a well known, big in the news armed robbery and that we should google it when we got home. But neither the police or the super nice tow truck lot lady could give us details. They told Ben he could go see the car but couldn’t take it as the insurance company would have to inspect it first. In the dark we trudged to the side of the lot where we carefully open the car doors. I was expecting blood, maybe some other dodgy stains and perhaps a dead body in the back. But no, it seemed ok and all of Ben’s stuff was still there. His ridiculous collection of ties that he keeps in the trunk had not been touched! I was shocked because if I had stolen a car I would have definitely taken parting gifts from the car before I dumped it. Definitely would have taken a few ties. Anyways, to end the story Ben got his car back about a week later and there was no evidence of Mike and the Boys ever having a homeless orgy in it. The End.

The one thing about being back in a managerial role at work is that I have noticed my language change a lot. I mean, it’s ok at work when you are working on effective and clear ways to communicate with a group of people but I noticed the other day that I was kind of bringing it home. The garbage did not get put out today guys, it’s ok, I feel like it might have been a miscommunication on our part. Would it be helpful for me to create a rotating schedule of whose job it is to follow up with the garbage on a weekly basis or should we just try to work on our communication despite our varied schedules…I am worried I will soon start saying compliment sandwiches to people…Hennie I appreciate the cup of coffee, I did notice that you forgot to put the laundry in the dryer last night after I asked you, but thank you for emptying the dishwasher. My roommates and Hennie are going to love me.

Well I knew I had become too involved in Sons of Anarchy awhile ago but it went to another level this week. I actually became fragile about it. I don’t want to spoil it for people so if you need to stop reading, please do but I will try and be discreet. A lady, possibly my favourite tv character in the history of the world, died in this week’s episode. This character has inspired me to dress like her for Halloween, including putting in expensive extensions and buying a slashed reaper dress just to feel the part, to buy t-shirts with her on it asking what would she do, to even buying the soundtrack because she sings on it and is totally awesome. Then, on last week’s episode, in normal SOA fashion, she was brutally murdered. I felt like I knew it was coming but I still cried and cried like a crazy person. My only saving grace was that a friend, who for some amazing coincidence had left it to the same time as me to watch it, had texted me saying they were also crying. The rest of the night I felt a bit sick and depressed. The next day I texted my friend to commiserate and we both felt the world was a little darker that day because she was no longer with us. If this isn’t all ridiculous enough, I went out shopping with my sister two days later and she was like, so what did happen on Sons of Anarchy and I started tearing up telling her and couldn’t finish. Welcome to my hilariously pathetic life. I don’t even know how I will be able to emotionally handle the season finale this week. I just don’t. Ok I watched it. I’m devastated and can’t talk about it. I cried a lot. Wahhh.

Someone asked me the other day what I thought about the Diva Cup. I made a bit of a face. She said she thought that they might be weird. That maybe in order for them to work the Universe needed to be aligned properly, like the planets needed to be aligned for this magnificent item to function. I told her it would also help if one’s vagina was also aligned perfectly with that Universe as apparently mine never was because I could not for the life of me figure out how to work it or make it live in the right places it needed to be to do it’s job. She laughed so hard while her girlfriend walked away shaking her head…

Thank you to our neighbour who leaves out his snow shovels in plain sight when he goes to work so that we, the unsuspecting house beside him, can steal them to use as we do not own any and we have a driveway that needs maintaining. I told my roommate we will think of it as a commune where we can borrow anything of his, except without his knowing…basically we are shitty, poor neighbours.

I got a few free magazines from work, one of which is the British House & Garden magazine. Half way through it I was getting very angry that I was not a wealthy, older British person that lived in a zillion dollar (pound) ancient castle or church with an interior that shows both the history and artistic modern features. Where my kids wear expensive rubber boots and fur coats as they roam the well manicured, rainy grounds. With fireplaces in all the rooms and ridiculous chandeliers and antique wallpaper. Where rooms are named such things like the library or the cigar room or even the study or loft. Anyhoo, I’m not sure how to aspire to become an old British lady that comes from old money. This could be a difficult to impossible life goal. But they teach us in school that we can do anything right? New Years goal…

I had set up Hennie to try and cook a recipe from my favourite cookbook. This might seem like a menial everyday task but for Hennie, to be in the kitchen cooking, is a major feat. I have bought all the ingredients, found all the spices for him and e-mailed him the recipe. The first thing he asked was if he should start with saytaying part of the recipe. I said, it’s pronounced sauteing. He started yelling jokingly that if he could not say it, how the hell was he going to achieve the actual action of it?!!

I felt like a total moron the other day when I realized that I do not know how to send a letter in the city. I asked my roommate if I put it in our mail box if the post person would take it. She said probably not. She said I just needed to find a post office but I could not think of where. Then I realized I just probably had to find one of those mail boxes that show up occasionally. And then driving home one night I saw one and screeched on the brakes, grabbed my letters and sent them. Ridiculous city girl dilemma solved!

I always assume I can trust the ratings on Netlflix but I just saw Gilmore Girls had 5 stars…